Introduction:
Hi, I’m Max – High Performance Coach.
In the complex world of leadership, influence is the subtle force that guides teams toward shared success. It’s not about the overt display of authority, nor about the rigidity of titles; instead, it emerges from the depth of understanding human nature.
To influence someone isn’t to bend their will; it’s to resonate so deeply with their motivations and needs that they align with your vision naturally. Influence, at its core, is rooted in human connection
In today’s reading, we explore three key behavioural tools to cultivating influence that go past surface-level engagement. This isn’t about coercion but about connecting with others on a level that unlocks their genuine commitment. Mastering these behaviors will allow you to lead from a place of understanding rather than mere authority, creating teams driven by purpose, not compliance.
1) Show Vulnerability to Build Trust
True influence begins with trust. It is impossible to have sustainable influence without trust. As a leader, it can be tempting to appear infallible, presenting a front of unyielding strength. Yet, paradoxically, it’s the very act of showing vulnerability that creates genuine trust. Why? Because when you let your guard down, you invite others to do the same. The human psyche is wired for connection, and we are drawn to authenticity far more than perfection, because when we see the humanness in others, it brings out the humanness in ourselves.
By admitting your doubts, struggles, or failures, you create a bridge between yourself and your team that allows for real dialogue. Vulnerability signals to others that you’re not leveraging your authority, but rather leading from a place of mutual respect and understanding. Trust isn’t born from control, but from creating a space where you and your team meet on common, human ground.
Questions to Consider:
- In what ways am I consciously or unconsciously hiding my vulnerabilities from my team?
- How would my leadership change if I let go of the need to seem perfect?
- What small, authentic vulnerabilities can I begin to share to foster deeper trust?
2) Speak To Their Perspective, Not Yours
The essence of influence lies in understanding—You cannot influence anyone you do not understand. Leaders often make the mistake of communicating from their own vantage point, assuming that their goals and motivations are aligned with theirs. This is due to a lack of nuance in their understanding of human dynamics and an inability to step outside of their own perspective – this is a larger developmental issue, not one of leadership.
To communicate effectively, you must step outside of your own narrative and engage deeply with theirs. What are their desires, fears, and aspirations? What does success mean to them, and how does it differ from your vision? Influence happens when you can bridge this gap, aligning your requests with their intrinsic motivations. Speak to what moves them, and influence becomes easy, effortless, not pushed and stressed.
Questions to Consider:
- How well do I understand what each of my team members truly values?
- In what ways can I better align my communication with their personal motivations?
- What assumptions am I making about their desires, and how might I verify them?
3) Get In The Habit Of Deep Listening
Leadership is not about speaking louder or more often—it’s about listening deeply. Again, you cannot influence someone you do not understand, and that understanding only comes from active, thoughtful listening. This isn’t simply about hearing the words they say but about perceiving the unspoken layers beneath those words. It’s about sensing the emotions, the hesitations, the deeper currents of thought that guide their behavior.
When you listen deeply, you show your team that you genuinely care about their perspective, which in turn fosters loyalty and openness. But beyond that, deep listening equips you with the knowledge to guide and influence in a way that feels authentic and aligned with their needs. You gain insight into their hidden motivations, giving you the ability to connect with them on a level that’s far more profound than simple management. Listen past their words.
Questions to Consider:
- Am I fully present when my team speaks, or am I focused on my response?
- What subtle cues, emotions, or patterns am I noticing in my team members’ communication?
- How can I create more spaces for genuine, open dialogue where my team feels heard and understood?
Conclusion:
Influence is inherently a complex dynamic, because human behaviour is dynamic.
It isn’t about asserting control over others but about building deep, resonant connections. As a leader, your role is to transcend titles and instead, engage with the human dynamics that drive true commitment.
Ask yourself, where do these behaviors show up in your leadership?
If you’re ready to explore this deeper, feel free to reach out for a conversation here.
Max. High Performance Coach.
