Introduction
Hi, I’m Max, a professional health & wellness coach.
In today’s reading, let’s create a space of vulnerability together by asking ourselves this question:
Who in my life have I not truly forgiven?
My parents?
My spouse?
My ex?
My old business partner?
Today we are going to be addressing some powerful insights that will help you unlock your ticket to freedom through forgiveness.
Note, that we will not be covering how to forgive oneself today – this requires a different approach that we will cover in a separate post.
Now, let’s begin!
Forgiveness is a superpower. There are few feelings in life as liberating as setting ourselves free from the shackles that have held us, prisoner, for years. With hundreds of references to forgiveness in spiritual texts across multiple traditions and philosophies, clearly it is a crucial element of a healthy emotional life. From my experience as a wellness coach, the act of forgiveness is one of the most acupunctural emotional changes one can make in their life that yields the greatest return on one’s well-being.
Today’s reading will cover three of the most important insights that may prove deeply valuable if you are seeking freedom from true forgiveness.
Insight One) Forgiveness Makes You Stronger
“I will NEVER forgive!” “They don’t deserve my forgiveness!” “Forgiveness makes me weak!” “I won’t forgive them until they apologize!” “I can’t possibly forgive what they did to me!” “I won’t give them the satisfaction of my forgiveness!”
These are the most common objections I’ve heard when it comes to forgiveness. Here’s the honest truth about these objections – they are traps. Don’t believe them.
There is a very common notion that forgiveness somehow diminishes us, and makes us weaker. And that by choosing not to forgive, we are instilling a sense of justice and righteousness in the world, that somehow to forgive is betraying our sense of self-worth. Some of my clients haven’t seen the person who hurt them in years, or even decades, yet they still feel like they’re holding that person prisoner by choosing not to forgive. The first step I always take my clients through is to understand the value of forgiveness.
Notice that by choosing not to forgive, you create pain in your heart that weighs you down.
Notice that by choosing not to forgive, you aren’t punishing the person who hurt you.
Notice that by choosing not to forgive, the person you are keeping prisoner is you, not them.
A quiet reminder that to be merciful, is the ultimate act of strength.
Insight Two) Forgiveness Is An Insight, Not A Process
How do I know when I’ve truly forgiven? This is a very common question.
Here’s the very simple answer – the key to forgiveness is to see that what happened “to you”, is not about you at all.
When we make others’ actions about us, we open ourselves up to emotional pain as we believe that they are doing something “to us”. Again, this is another trap. The person who “did” whatever they did to you has most likely done this many times before to many different people, and may still be doing it to others. So, to take this as something that is a personal attack is to misunderstand their behavior, and human behavior in general.
The person who hurt you was hurt by someone else, who was hurt by someone else. It’s a chain of emotional pain that gets handed on and on. Now here’s a brilliant question for you…
Who have you lashed out at in your life because you aren’t forgiving?
When we forgive, we break this chain. And we ensure that we don’t hurt anyone else in the future.
Most people think forgiveness is a process that takes time, but it’s not. Forgiveness is simply seeing exactly what was just said. It’s not about you. It’s about them. It’s like a universal law of human emotions.
Insight Three) The Body May Need Time To Catch Up
Once it is clearly seen that what happened is not about you, but simply a mechanism of human behavior, there is the opportunity for a significant release – these have been some of my personal favorite moments in my career, seeing the clarity and release in someone’s face when they are freed from their pain.
Depending on the length of time one has been carrying their pain, it can take time for the body to catch up with feelings often trapped in the solar plexus, chest, and throat areas. The trick with these old feelings is to not see them as a sign that I haven’t forgiven but as an invitation to look more deeply at the truth of the matter.
To forgive is to see the truth, and to extend mercy, let us further extend our mercy to ourselves also.
A quick tip for you to help these feelings in the body, draw yourself a bath and invite these feelings in the body forward, treat them with love, wash them, do not try and push them away.
Allow the body the time to readjust, and never forget that the truth shall set you free.
If you’d like a more intimate, deeper dive into forgiveness, reach out to me for a complimentary 30-minute conversation here.
Max, Health & Wellness Coach.
