Introduction
Hi, I’m Max, a professional wellness, family and performance coach.
Firstly, allow me to say that if you’re reading this, I’m deeply sorry for your loss.
To face the death of a loved one, particularly unexpectedly, can be one of the most challenging experiences we face in our lives. Today’s reading will in no way claim that there is a way to create a way to which that pain never revisits us. However, today’s reading will cover ways to properly integrate grief so that we don’t suffer more than is natural to do so.
Integrating and transcending grief from loss and using it as a way to deepen our connection with life can be a beautiful and powerful process. I have been unfortunate enough in my life to lose the death of loved ones close to me, including some very tragic and unexpected passings, so if you are in that position, rest assured today’s insights and strategies will be grounded in both my work with my clients as well as my personal experience.
My heart goes out to you. But you’re here reading this today because you are looking for a way to make your time easier, which I am completely sympathetic to, so let’s get into it.
Strategy One) The Grieving Process Is 100% Natural – Allow It To Occur
The human body has a natural way of dealing with grief that of course differs from person to person, but when properly integrated, emotional pain is a completely natural response. Tears are a completely natural response, even if they occur unexpectedly. Crying is your body’s way of integrating the experience, it’s very important not to fight that response.
Now, there’s a key distinction here that arises whereby when we experience grief, we have the potential to open ourselves up to the possibility of ineffective coping methods such as drinking, overeating, or not eating at all. Let me be very clear, I’m not suggesting that the engagement in these activities is necessarily “natural”, albeit common. What I am suggesting is that actually, the best course of action is to avoid those activities and intentionally open our hearts to the pain of the loss in the short term, rather than developing unhealthy coping strategies that may temporarily mask our pain but ultimately put the breaks on our ability to process our true emotions.
Strategy Two) Keep Up Your Schedule & Create Support Systems
There is an absolute necessity to take a break from our day-to-day schedules to handle the initial shock of a loved one’s passing, particularly if it was unexpected. And how long that period is will vary. However, by an active and conscious decision to return to our daily lives, we keep our bodies moving through life and we have a greater chance of mitigating the risk of turning to unhelpful coping methods. Of course, this will depend on your particular circumstances. But a gentle push of ourselves to rejoin life creates greater chances for integration.
Secondly, actively seek out support systems. If you are in the fortunate position that you have a loving family and a positive friendship group, intentionally set up your weeks and even months moving into the future to speak with your loved ones regularly. Go hiking, swim, play sports, take an art class, and make your schedule a little more proactive than normal to keep your life in a healthy state of movement.
Strategy Three) Create Rituals To Actively Engage In Grief
I was very unfortunate to lose my cousin when he was 20 in a freak accident whereby he was playing basketball in a garage and he attempted a slam dunk. Upon hitting the slam dunk he grabbed the basketball ring and the entire garage wall collapsed, breaking his body and killing him. My auntie was naturally emotionally distraught and heartbroken…This was 11 years ago.
One of the rituals she created which was very helpful in integrating her grief was to look through photos of her son once a week, light candles, and play soft music during her quiet time of reflection. And yes, she cried, many times, for months and even still does. But actively engaging in her grief in a ritualized way with the conscious intention of integrating the grief from the loss of her son allowed her to find peace far more effectively.
A combination of allowing the grieving process to occur, a continuation of our schedule, and rituals that allow us to actively engage in our grief have proven successful strategies to manage, integrate, and transcend grief. The question then becomes…
How can you honor their memory?
If this resonates with you, reach out to me for a complimentary 30-minute conversation here.
Max.
