Introduction:
Hi, I’m Max – Personal Development Strategist.
Today’s reading will cover one of the most fundamental challenges in our culture at the moment – the fear of what others think about us.
With the rise of social media in our collective consciousness, the fear of being disapproved of has become rampant throughout the west. In the past, maybe your classmates at school would know about a mistake you made, and it was pretty soon forgotten. Now, the whole world knows, and it’s there forever. But, the fear of others’ opinions isn’t just a modern challenge—it’s deeply rooted in our evolutionary psychology. For hundreds of thousands of years, we lived in tribes, where your survival depended on being accepted and approved by the group. Being ostracized could mean death. Today, we live in larger societies where, as long as we remain law-abiding citizens, we won’t be cast out. However, that tribal fear of rejection remains.
If you’re struggling with this, please know it’s normal—this is a theme in most people’s lives. But you don’t have to stay stuck in it. Today’s reading will offer three key insights to help you break free from the fear of what others think and reclaim your personal power.
1) Where Have You Lost Trust in Yourself?
When you’re overly concerned with the opinions of others, it usually points to a deeper issue: you’ve lost trust in your own judgment. If you find yourself constantly deferring to others’ opinions, ask yourself why. What do they know that you don’t? And why do you believe that? What makes their opinion more valid than yours? The reality is, by giving authority over to others, you’re saying their perspective on your life is more trustworthy than your own. This begs the question—where have you lost trust in yourself, and why?
What I’ve noticed in my coaching practice mostly, is this lack of trust comes from past mistakes. We often struggle to forgive ourselves for perceived failures, and in doing so, we start relying on others to validate our worth. Please note this is not often consciously held, but upon scratching around, that’s normally what is found. But forgiving yourself for past missteps is crucial in rebuilding self-trust. Once you reclaim your ability to trust your own decisions, the opinions of others start to lose their power over you.
Here’s a clue – notice that when a child is born into the world they trust themselves completely, because they have no reason not to. It’s only through the pain of losing this trust that they find themselves now deeply caring for others’ approval.
Reflection:
Ask yourself, “Why do I not trust myself?” Are you holding onto a past mistake that makes you doubt yourself? What do you need to forgive yourself for so you can reclaim your personal power? Don’t answer these questions by answering “that’s just how I am” – wrong. It may be a pattern that runs deep, but don’t hand wave doing the work.
2) You Won’t Become a Jerk by Caring Less
This is where many people get stuck, especially if you have an agreeable personality type. There’s a fear that if you stop caring about others’ opinions, you’ll become selfish, inconsiderate, or even rude. This is the tricky thing about the human psyche, is that it defends its position through exaggeration. This is a trap. Don’t fall into it.
Here’s the really tough pill for you people pleaser types to swallow: is that your desire to people-please is in fact selfish. It’s ironic, but true—when you people-please, you’re often doing so to maintain approval or avoid conflict. By constantly putting others’ feelings ahead of your own, you’re not being more kind; you’re just avoiding discomfort for yourself. Acknowledging your own needs and allowing yourself to care less about external validation doesn’t make you selfish—it makes you honest with yourself.
Reflection:
Start with small things like saying which movie you actually want to see with your friends or partner. Take your time when ordering coffee when there’s a long line behind you. Small things like this will help build that muscle.
3) Realize How Little People Actually Think About You
Here’s the liberating truth at the end of the day: people are not thinking about you nearly as much as you think they are. We often fall into the trap of believing that others are constantly judging or evaluating us, but the truth is, most people are wrapped up in their own lives. Think about it—how much time do you spend thinking about others versus being consumed with your own thoughts, problems, and goals? How many minutes throughout the day do you spend seriously judging others’ faults or flaws?
This realization is a game changer because it allows you to let go of the fear of being constantly watched or judged. The truth is, you’re a secondary character in everyone else’s story. They’re the main characters in their own lives, just as you are in yours. By acknowledging this, you can begin to take back the energy you’re wasting on worrying about what others think.
Reflection:
Take a moment to reflect: How often are you really consumed by others’ opinions versus your own thoughts and concerns? And if you really want to go deeper into this reflection – realize that all these people and you will be dead soon.
Conclusion:
As I said, The fear of others’ opinions is a common struggle, but you don’t have to remain stuck in it. By identifying where you’ve lost trust in yourself, letting go of the need to people-please, and realizing how little others are actually thinking about you, you can begin to reclaim your personal power. Please understand just how short life is, and how much energy this is zapping from you.
You are giving away your power every time you let others dictate your choices. Take it back, trust yourself.
If this resonates with you, let’s have a conversation about how you can start living more authentically, without the weight of others’ opinions holding you down here.
Max.
Personal Development Strategist.
