Hi, I’m Max, a professional life coach.
One perspective on what I do for a living is I help people make more effective decisions. So let me ask you a question, what is the process you go through for making decisions? Prioritising? Trusting your gut? Guessing?
Of course, a vast majority of our decisions in life we can unwind if we make a mistake, but every now and then we are faced with a different kind of decision – a decision that will change the course of your life. The five decisions that I’ve come across the most in my clients include:
- To propose to your partner.
- To file for divorce.
- To quit your job and start your own business.
- Buying a house.
- Starting a family.
These decisions carry with them far higher stakes. One can both ruin their life and set themselves up for tremendous success in making these decisions effectively. So if you find yourself faced with a big decision, grab yourself a notebook and a pen because I am going to take you through a process that I have taken many clients through in my Destiny Shaping Decisions Intensive. So, let’s begin! Write down your decision at the top of your page in the form of a question.
Our example for today’s reading:
Should I propose to Claire?
Write your own example on your page.
Now, give yourself two options. So, in the case of today’s example, it’s a rather straight forward one as it’s a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question. But if your question is more along the lines of “how do I get through a difficult challenge at work?”, again narrow it down to your best two options.
Step One – Completely Give Yourself To Each Option
From our example, ‘Shall I propose to Claire?’ -There are two options here – yes and no.
So, begin by building a case as to why the answer to that question is YES. Write down every reason that comes to mind. Imagine you were a lawyer presenting a case, what reasons would you give? In our example, the start of this case may look something like this:
“Taking stock of the relationship with Claire, it’s clear that we’ve developed a solid emotional connection. Over time, this connection has evolved into a foundation of love, understanding, and support, which is pretty unique and valuable.
Our values and goals sync up, providing a practical roadmap for our partnership. Aligning our aspirations and life goals has created a sense of unity and compatibility—essentials for a successful, lifelong commitment.
The journey we’ve had together is marked by personal and mutual growth. Navigating life’s challenges has pushed both of us to become better individuals, contributing to the strength of our bond.
Claire’s strengths complement mine, making our partnership dynamic and supportive. We tackle challenges together, finding collaborative solutions and celebrating each other’s wins.
Claire’s demonstrated unwavering commitment and loyalty through thick and thin. Considering the next step— proposing—feels like a natural move, symbolising our commitment to building a shared future with love and happiness.”
A quick tip – I have attempted to lay this out in a very obvious way, but write from your heart, you’ll get much better answers.
Now that you have filled your page, turn to a fresh page and imagine you were a lawyer who had to build an opposing case. And repeat the exact same process, really give your heart to your writing here. Again, in our example, the start of this case may look something like this:
“Looking ahead with Claire, I can’t ignore the uncertainty surrounding our long-term compatibility. Differing values and life goals might complicate significant decisions down the road.
Considering personal growth is on the table. Maybe it’s wise to focus on individual journeys before committing to something lifelong. It ensures we enter into marriage as fully-formed and self-aware individuals.
Communication challenges are acknowledged, and addressing any lingering issues is crucial before thinking about getting engaged. Practical matters, including finances and career goals, need thorough discussion for a stable future.
Before proposing, it seems reasonable to experience more relationship milestones, like living or traveling together. It provides a clearer picture of how we function as a couple in various situations.”
Again – write from your heart.
Now that we have our two cases, note in the back of your mind which one seems more compelling.
Step Two – How Would Making Impact My Relationship With Myself?
This is the most important step of the process.
One of the most important insights a human being can have is that it’s not what we achieve in life that fulfils us, it’s who we become along the way. And by grasping this in the context of our decisions, we have the opportunity to make decisions based on growing into our full potential.
There are many different ways of asking this question, such as:
“How would proposing to Claire impact my relationship with myself?”
“Which part of me wants to propose to Claire?”
“What does it say about me if I were to propose to Claire?”
“Is the desire to propose to Claire coming from the best part of me?”
You can very easily put your own example with these questions, but you can see what I’m getting at.
HONESTY IS CRUCIAL HERE.
I’ve worked with many clients when they have come to this part of the intensive where they will look at me and say “I think I’m just afraid of ending up alone, and proposing to Claire will put that fear at ease in the short term”. So when you’re writing about this, be brave. And once you’ve gone through the process, ask the opposite.
“How would deciding not to propose to Claire impact my relationship with myself?”
“Which part of me does not want to propose to Claire?”
“What does it say about me if I were to decide not to propose to Claire?”
“Is the desire to not propose to Claire coming from the best part of me?”
The aim here is to get to the bottom of this – WHICH DECISION IS THE BETTER PART OF ME REPRESENTING?
We are 90% of the way there. The answer should be mostly very clear, but here is the final step.
Step Three – Trust Your Intuition
Put your pen and your notepad down. And trust that you’ve done the work.
You’ve now built a case for your two options.
You’ve built an understanding for which part of you is representing each option.
The good news it the last step is easy.
Just stop for a moment, and take a few deep breaths. Become very still.
Now, let me ask you…
What is your decision?
Still unsure? Reach out and have a 30 minute complimentary conversation with me here.
Max. Life Coach.
