Introduction
Hi, I’m Max – Personal Development Strategist.
As human beings, we are in some ways, very strange creatures in that we have a self-referential relationship – a relationship with ourselves. And the fact is, for many, this relationship is fraught with tension, self-criticism, and neglect.
Why is it that we can be so unkind to ourselves, while striving to be compassionate toward others?
Here’s an important truth to consider: when we mistreat others, our community often steps in to regulate us. Whether through gentle reminders from loved ones or more serious interventions, we are constantly reminded to treat others with respect and care. But when it comes to our relationship with ourselves, there is no external force guiding us—no voice to hold us accountable for the way we speak to and treat ourselves.
In the absence of this regulation, we must take it upon ourselves to cultivate a kinder, more honest relationship with who we are.
Today’s reading will go through three simple yet profound practices to rebuild that internal connection and form a healthier bond with yourself.
1) Stop Lying To Yourself & Others
The first step toward healing the relationship with yourself is rooted in truth. Often, we deceive ourselves in subtle ways—promising change that never comes, justifying actions that go against our core values, or pretending we’re content when we are not. These small lies, over time, erode the integrity of our inner world.
To begin the process of self-restoration, you must meet yourself with honesty. Honesty doesn’t mean harshness or self-punishment; it’s about clarity. It is the practice of standing face-to-face with your own reality, recognizing where you have strayed from your authentic self, and choosing to correct your course. Honesty is the bedrock upon which any meaningful relationship is built, and this applies doubly to the relationship you have with yourself. When you begin to speak the truth—about your desires, your fears, your failures—something inside you shifts. A seed of trust is planted, and with that, the possibility of growth.
2) Make Small Commitments To Yourself & Honor Them
It is easy to feel let down by ourselves when we continuously set grand ambitions and then fail to live up to them. But the true journey to self-respect lies in the small, seemingly insignificant commitments. To rebuild trust with yourself, start by making small promises—commitments that you know you can keep—and follow through with them. And as a colliery to this, do not make commitments to others that you know you cannot keep. Start to develop an identity as someone who does what they say, and says what they do.
When you commit to something as simple as waking up at a certain time or setting aside five minutes for stillness, and you honor that commitment, you send a message to yourself: I am reliable. I am worthy of my own trust. This practice is sacred. Just as relationships with others are built on consistent acts of reliability, your relationship with yourself is strengthened through small, daily acts of self-honoring. And from this foundation, you will find that you can take on larger commitments with confidence, knowing that you are someone who follows through on what you promise.
3) Write A Letter of Apology to Yourself
At some point in our lives, we all fail ourselves in ways both small and large. We fail to live up to our values, we allow fear to govern our decisions, or we betray our own needs for the sake of others. These moments, when left unaddressed, can create deep fractures in the relationship we have with ourselves.
One way to begin the healing process is to write a letter of apology to yourself. In this letter, acknowledge the ways you have wronged yourself—through neglect, through harsh judgment, through silence. Apologize for the moments you didn’t stand up for your own well-being. This act of writing is not just an apology; it is a re-commitment. It is a way of saying, I see where I have hurt you, and I am here now to make amends.
By extending the same compassion and forgiveness to yourself that you would to a dear friend, you unlock the door to deeper self-compassion. You begin to transform the inner landscape from one of self-criticism to one of kindness and grace. This letter is a promise that you will treat yourself with the respect and care you deserve.
Conclusion
The beautiful thing about this process of forming a better relationship with yourself is that it is deeply personal and intimate. No one else needs to witness this transformation—it is your journey alone. And yet, as you cultivate this relationship, the effects will ripple outward into all areas of your life.
Remember, the relationship you have with yourself is the one relationship that lasts a lifetime. It is, in many ways, the truest of all marriages. So, as you embark on this path of truth, commitment, and forgiveness, know that you are not just improving your own well-being—you are engaging in a sacred act of self-love, one that will accompany you for the rest of your life.
If today’s reading has touched something deep within you, I invite you to explore this journey further.
Reach out to me for a conversation here.
Max. Personal Development Strategist.
