Introduction:
Hi, I’m Max, a Relationship Coach.
What does it actually mean to have a great relationship? There’s two components in my view.
Number one – recognise the inherent perfection of your partner.
Number two – recognise the capacity that you both have to grow, and get at it.
Paradoxical, but if this paradox can be held, your relationship will thrive.
Today’s reading is straightforward: how do you take a good relationship and make it great?
I hear this a lot in my coaching practice—couples who know they have something solid, but they want to grow. That’s where these questions come in. They’re designed to spark real conversations that can push you to understand each other on a deeper level.
Now, here’s the deal: these questions are not about forcing change or proving a point. They’re conversation starters meant to bring out curiosity and connection. If you go into them with an open mind, you’ll walk away feeling a lot closer.
Tip before you start: Leave your agenda at the door. This isn’t about fixing your partner—it’s about understanding each other better.
Let’s get into it.
10 Questions To Grow Your Relationship
What are our values as a couple?
Why this question works: This question helps you get on the same page about what truly matters in your relationship. It gives both of you a chance to align on the core beliefs that guide how you show up for each other.
Quick tip: Don’t get lost in vague ideas. Focus on practical values you both can live by every day, like respect or fun. And ask one another for examples of where these values can be more present in the relationship.
What are our one-year goals as a team?
Why this question works: Instead of individual goals, you’re asking where you’re headed together. This creates a shared vision for the future as a couple.
Quick tip: Congratulate one another every step of the way towards those goals, that’ll foster excitement together.
What is something about me that I can’t see?
Why this question works: This is where you invite your partner to shine a light on your blind spots. It’s an opening for feedback that can lead to real personal growth.
Quick tip: Really listen, maybe they’re onto something.
What do you think our greatest strengths are as a couple?
Why this question works: The human mind can find problems easily, this is a moment for gratitude.
Quick tip: After you identify your strengths with your partner, ask one another how you can leverage them further in your lives.
Where can I be of service to you?
Why this question works: This is a bulletproof question. There’s not much that will strengthen your relationship more than this.
Quick tip: In my view, the definition of learning is behavior change. If your partner shares and you don’t act, you haven’t learnt anything from them.
What have been your top 3 moments in our relationship, and why?
Why this question works: This will open up fond memories, gratitude, vulnerability and deeper connection.
Quick tip: Ask one another – how can we create more of these?
What have you learned about yourself since we’ve been together?
Why this question works: This question sparks introspection and may give you clues as to where your growth is trending together.
Quick tip: Don’t put words in your partner’s mouth. This isn’t about you—it’s about giving your partner the space to reflect.
What do you see as our greatest challenge at the moment?
Why this question works: This helps create a team effort to tackle it together and grow through it.
Quick tip: Point the finger at yourself. Focus on how you are contributing to this challenge, not your partner.
Where are we holding ourselves back?
Why this question works: This tackles the ‘good but not great’ challenge to introspect where you can live life full out together.
Quick tip: Make the commitment together to bust through these barriers.
Where have I been selfish?
Why this question works: Again, a bulletproof question. This opens the space for real growth as a team.
Quick tip: Really listen.
Conclusion
These questions are about getting real with each other. They’re not for the faint-hearted, but if you’re serious about building something great, this is where you start. You don’t need to tackle all of them at once—pick one, dive deep, and see where it takes you.
And a huge thing to remember – they are sharing about THEIR EXPERIENCE of the relationship, and by definition THEIR EXPERIENCE will not be yours. So don’t be surprised if you are surprised by their answers, hold the space for them to share and be curious about where their perspective comes from.
If this resonates with you, reach out to me, let’s have a complimentary 30 minute conversation here.
Max. Relationship Coach.
