Introduction
I’m Max, a professional life & relationship coach.
Breakups are hard. No one can deny that.
We have all gone through a separation that has been deeply emotionally tested. However, one of the most valuable insights that I’ve gleaned from working with many clients on not just this challenge, but dozens of other challenges is that the suffering in our lives is providing a launching pad for a new level of growth. This is a pattern that I’ve noticed over and over again. And I suppose you could say that’s my job, to take a pain point and help launch someone into a new level of their development.
Breakups are an incredible opportunity for this. Now, if you are very early in your breakup, you may not be ready for today’s reading. If the emotional pain is very fresh, don’t rush that process, feel the pain, don’t fight it, and go through it with honour and compassion. However, if you find yourself wanting to move on and you’re ready to take back control of your life, your feelings, and your future, today’s reading is for you.
This post will cover three of the most valuable and most common insights that I’ve found have helped my clients in the past.
Insight One) The Breakup Was Inevitable
That can sound harsh, but follow me here. Your breakup did not happen for no reason. BREAKUPS OCCUR WHEN THE PAIN FROM OUR PERSONAL HISTORY BECOMES GREATER THAN THE LOVE WE SHARE. This is the only reason relationships ever end. Period. This is the most valuable insight you’ll hear about breakups, simple as it may be. It may manifest as arguments, financial disputes, infidelity, and everything else, but it is always the same root cause.
The breakup was inevitable. It isn’t possible to sustain a relationship when there is unresolved pain in our history that needs to be forgiven. The relationship simply uncovers that pain that was always there. And the mistake we make is to believe that it is our partner who is causing that pain. And because we do not want to feel this pain, we attempt to change our partner so that we are not faced with this pain, providing a terrible foundation for the relationship.
So, the first module in Breakup To Breakthrough always involves the following commitment – I will no longer blame my ex-partner. For anything. Period.
And when we take full responsibility for ourselves, we can begin the process of moving forward.
Insight Two) What Did This Breakup Reveal About You?
Now it’s time to get brutally honest.
Remember, we are no longer permitting ourselves to point the finger at our ex. So let’s ask ourselves a couple of questions:
- What was my part in the breakup?
This can be a challenging question to answer, depending on the circumstances of the breakup. But look a little deeper, you were responsible for fifty percent of the relationship, weren’t you? What part did you play? Now, of course, we are not implying that there was no responsibility from your ex-partner, but if we put all the blame on them, we will miss out on our growth, and perhaps most importantly, that pattern will inevitably repeat itself in the next relationship if we don’t address it.
- What personal pain do I carry that the relationship revealed?
If the experience of the relationship brought out certain feelings of anger, pain, and anguish, amongst other feelings, the important insight to note is that the relationship is NOT the cause of these feelings. For example, if you tend to get angry in a relationship, the chances are that’s not the only place you feel anger. Where else do you feel anger? Our relationships REVEAL our emotions, they don’t cause them.
If we can acknowledge this, we have amazing opportunities, speaking of which…
Insight Three) What Are The Opportunities Here For You Now, Moving Forward?
Now having taken full responsibility, we can grow.
The final stage of my Breakup To Breakthrough program is to begin to create a vision for yourself now moving forward. Do not miss out on this opportunity within yourself. We must take this approach to consciously evolve through this experience, rather than fighting it. Here are two questions to consider:
- How do I ensure I grow through this?
By asking this question it will allow today’s reading to become more focused on your breakup – truly ponder this question, investigate it deeply, and what are the lessons to be gleaned? What are the potential pitfalls that I could fall into that would lead me in an unhelpful direction after this breakup?
- What does the best version of me look like once I’m through this?
By asking this question, we begin to look forward to the future, rather than being bogged down by unhelpful feelings of pain. And that vision must be powerful enough to pull us through any emotional challenges that may come our way. And most importantly, by evolving through this breakup, we improve our own lives as well as give any future relationships the best chance of success.
Never forget, that suffering is the launching pad for new levels of growth and success. Drill that into your mind.
If this resonates with you, come and chat with me! Reach out for a complimentary 30-minute conversation here.
Max. Life Coach.
