Introduction:
Hi, I’m Max – Relationship Coach.
Relationships have their ups and downs, but sometimes the downs feel so deep that you can start to question everything.
If you’re at a crossroads, feeling unsure about the future, it’s important to approach this with intention. Ending a relationship is no small matter, and deciding if you’re truly done requires more than just gut feelings in the heat of the moment. This is a decision that needs reflection, and asking the right questions can lead you to clarity.
In today’s reading, we will go through three questions to help you navigate the emotional complexity of “Are we done?”
1) If I Could Give You Exactly What You Wanted, What Would You Want?
This is a question borrowed from my Conscious Conflict articles, designed to create openness and vulnerability in your conversations. Approach this question with genuine curiosity and zero defensiveness. It’s interesting, when I’ve noticed couples using this question in my practice, the person who is asked that question often doesn’t know what to say, because they are too busy in the heated exchanges. So, instead of guessing, directly ask your partner this: If I could give you everything you wanted right now, what would it be?
Many clients I’ve worked with initially respond, “I don’t have the patience for that!”—a normal reaction, especially in moments of frustration. But if you’re willing to really listen, it will provide the first steps of a pathway forward. Ask them to write it down if having a conversation feels too emotionally challenging. And while you’re at it, take the time to answer it for yourself. What do you want? When both of you have these answers in front of you, you might find that what you both want is still possible.
2) If I Could Click My Fingers and We’d Be Fully Separated, Would I Do It?
This is one of the most direct questions you can ask yourself. Imagine there’s no fallout—no awkward conversations, no logistics to figure out, no shared assets, and no emotional drama. If you could walk away instantly and be completely free, would you do it? This question isn’t about the fear or discomfort of breaking up; it’s about what your heart says.
Often, we cling to a relationship because we fear the immediate emotional devastation of separating. But when you strip away the fear, what’s left? If you honestly feel that you’d still want to be free, that’s a telling sign. But don’t rush to answer this. Take your time, allowing yourself to sit with the possibility and what it evokes in you.
3) What Does My Heart Truly Say?
Forget the clickbait “5 Signs It’s Over” articles, and while you’re at it you can forget this article too. Listen to yourself. No list or article can decide for you whether it’s time to leave. This is something only you and your partner can determine.
Relationships are complex, and there’s no universal timeline for when it’s time to walk away. It’s about recognizing when you’ve reached the limits of what’s possible between you. What does your intuition say when you sit quietly and really reflect? Is there still a glimmer of hope, or have you been telling yourself stories to justify staying? The truth is, no one can make this decision for you. Your heart, however, is your most reliable guide, even if the answer it gives you is uncomfortable.
Conclusion:
I understand how difficult it is to be in this place of uncertainty. These are heavy questions, and there are no easy answers. But I hope this gives you a starting point to explore your feelings more deeply. Sometimes, relationships go through rough patches, and sometimes they’re at their natural end. Wherever you are, I’m sorry it’s tough right now, but I’m here if you want to talk through this more deeply.
Reach out to me here.
Max. Relationship Coach.
