Introduction:
Hi, I’m Max – Relationship Coach.
Here’s the deal – relationships aren’t always easy to navigate. Living with and loving someone who thinks differently to ourselves is always a tricky endeavor. Even the best ones require intentionality and care.
So what makes a good relationship truly work? Based on what I’ve observed through my coaching practice, these are three most common patterns that strong couples share. This isn’t a rigid formula or prescription, but a description of common elements that seem to help couples build and maintain fulfilling partnerships.
Take what works for you and reflect on how these pillars play out in your relationship.
1) Good Couples Grow Together
Growth is what keeps a relationship dynamic and engaging. Without it, relationships tend to stagnate. Comfort initially feels great, but over time, it can lead to complacency. And when complacency sets in, so does a lack of excitement, engagement, and connection. Growth, however, ensures that the relationship evolves over time, offering new challenges and shared learning experiences that keep things fresh. The couples that I have worked with over longer term engagements, it’s almost like they have chapters to the relationship where they are born again, providing a fresh level of engagement with one another.
When you and your partner grow together, you’re constantly moving toward new horizons—whether it’s through personal development, shared projects, or spiritual growth. Life becomes an adventure when you’re learning and evolving together, discovering new parts of each other and yourselves along the way. No doubt, growth isn’t always pleasant and it can even be painful at times. But in my view, that’s life.
Quick How:
Find ways to grow that resonate with both of you. Try journaling together, initiating deep, meaningful conversations, or signing up for a workshop or class that pushes you out of your comfort zones. You don’t need to constantly be on the go—but watching a movie can wait—but carving out space for growth-focused activities can help build a deeper connection. Create a bucket list with your partner.
2) Good Couples Focus on Giving
Healthy relationships are grounded in giving rather than taking. There is a deep respect that I notice in my practice with the best couples – truly seeing one another as legitimate, and contributing to them as such. The joy that comes from giving to someone you truly care about often far exceeds the joy of receiving. When both partners are focused on fulfilling each other’s needs and keeping each other’s emotional “love cup” full, it creates a positive cycle of mutual support, love, and growth.
The more you give, the more space your partner has to give back, creating a powerful feedback loop that enriches the relationship. By consistently putting your partner’s needs at the forefront, you’re ensuring they feel valued and loved, which in turn makes it easier for them to reciprocate.
Quick How:
Identify your partner’s love language—whether it’s words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, or receiving gifts. When you give in a way that aligns with how they best feel loved, you’ll see the impact immediately. Another easy way – ask your partner where you can love them better, it’s a beautiful conversation to have.
3) Good Couples Have a Full Life Outside One Another
A successful relationship doesn’t mean relying on your partner to meet all of your emotional or personal needs. In fact, the expectation that your partner should be “everything” for you is both unrealistic and unhealthy. Couples who have amazing relationships make it as easy, light and pressure free to be with one another. They take the pressure off one another.
Having hobbies, interests, and friendships outside the relationship ensures that you’re not placing all of your happiness or well-being on your partner’s shoulders. It also makes your time together richer and more meaningful, because you have more to bring to the table—new experiences, insights, and growth to share from the rest of your life.
Quick How:
Reflect on how you would fill your life outside your relationship. What passions or hobbies can you pursue on your own? What friendships can you cultivate? By maintaining a vibrant, independent life, you’ll reduce pressure on your partner and create a relationship where both of you are fulfilled as individuals and as a couple. Be honest with this last one – how much pressure am I putting on my partner to “be everything” for me?
Conclusion:
Again, these three pillars aren’t rigid rules, but descriptions of what I’ve seen work for many couples. Take today’s reading as an opportunity to reflect on your relationship:
What are your own pillars? Are you and your partner growing together? Are you focusing on giving more than taking? And do you both have full, meaningful lives outside of each other?
If you’re looking to strengthen your relationship or explore these pillars further, let’s have a conversation here.
Max
Relationship Coach
